if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
