no, he came in my armpit
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
