Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
