Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
why do cheetos always look like penises
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
