I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
