my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
