im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
