No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
