i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
