Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
