The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
