The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
