Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
