when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm both gender and math confused
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
