dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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