I want to have your abortion
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
