i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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