my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
