Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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