dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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