i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
