it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
