i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
