I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
