we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
