Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
