Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
