What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
