Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
