we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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