I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
