What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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