i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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