I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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