woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
