Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
