Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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