God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
