3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
