are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
