you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
