if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
