My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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