I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
