yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
