she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
