I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think my vagina is haunted
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
