I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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