Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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