a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
